Bucket Drummers

Okay, so there aren’t many left but the few that are still out there must be stopped. It was fun for about a minute in the 80’s or 90’s or whenever it was that the first bucket man put the first bucket drumstick to the first bucket drum but the laughter has definitely died from repetitive beatings. I defy anyone to try and think about anything other than bucket drumming in the presence of bucket drumming. Not possible. Someone just seconds away from figuring out how to win the war on terror waiting for the F train could suddenly have his or her plan obliterated by one of these men and their devil buckets. That’s right, I’m saying that if the bucket drumming continues, the terrorists win. Hey, here’s something I just made up to hammer home my point: Lab rats that were exposed to bucket drumming in a controlled study didn’t show any signs of physical harm but after several minutes they did develop the ability to speak. A dull murmur is more like it but if you put your ear close to their little, stressed out rat mouths you could definitely hear them say, “please stop bucket drumming, please stop bucket drumming, please stop...” I was planning to do a street performer double-header and say something about ignoring those people who dip themselves in silver paint and pretend to be statues, because I think they are lazy and sad, but I have since come to appreciate the fact that they are not bucket drummers and I like any street performer who isn’t a bucket drummer. Except clowns. Nobody likes a street clown.