Mac Geniuses

Obviously if your Nano is acting up (like mine is) or if your MacBook Pro is making a weird “buzzing” noise and beach-balls all the time (like mine does), you should probably skip this exercise. Everyone else, roll with me a while. I mean, here’s the thing...let’s assume, for the moment, that Mac Geniuses are in fact bonafide geniuses. Let’s assume that when you walk up to the Genius Bar at the Apple Store and sit your non-genius ass down you are sitting across from a bonafide genius who, by the way, hangs out in the break room and complains about their dumb-ass genius boss with like 12 other geniuses on a regular basis. Well if you ask me, which you didn’t (which is why people blog), I think Mac is genius hogging. And I think that having all those geniuses in one place is bad for everybody. So I think we should ignore Mac Geniuses until they disperse themselves evenly about the country and the world. In other words, “fan out Mac geniuses” or, as I prefer to say, “fan the fuck out” (okay, I’ve been told I curse too much and didn’t mean to but “fan the fuck out” just feels too good to say). So fan (the fuck) out Mac geniuses. Go to Verizon Wireless. Go to Time Warner Cable. As anyone who has ever dealt with those companies can tell you, their genius levels are at dangerously low, non-genius levels. Go to Detroit and work for some car companies and go to an Airline (just pick one they all basically suck). Go to Wall Street and Washington and lastly, and I’ll admit this is for purely selfish, “greater New York metropolitan area” reasons, can some of you, just a few, please go to Duane Reade? Please? Go there so that the next time I go there to buy a pack of gum, I won’t need to wait an hour to get rung up. Go there so that when I put my pack of gum on the counter you won’t look shocked, amazed and offended that I am asking you to ring something up. Like I just walked in on you taking a crap or something and you are genuinely shocked and amazed to see me, and that I am asking you, a person whose job it is to ring things up, to ring something up. Please? Sorry, that was so self-centered of me. How odd for a person writing a blog to be so self-centered and bore his 6 or 7 readers with something so self-centered. Right. Back to the wider world. Fan out Mac Geniuses, or fan the fuck out, whichever one you prefer. The non-genius world needs you. Duane Reade needs you. And I need you to fix my Nano, and the weird buzzing noise, and the beach-balling...